i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My ass is underappreciated
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
