The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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