I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
