Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
