You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
