Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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