My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
