just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
