Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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