just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
