i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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