I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
