do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
