After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
