is your mom at the bar?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize