Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It was confusing and full of hummus
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
