Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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