So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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