I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
