too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
