um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
