There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
