I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
