My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
