Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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