thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
