She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
