I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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