Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
