Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
