I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
