I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
