just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
