We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
