He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
