Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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