there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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