Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
