the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
