grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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