just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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