Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
honey bunches of taint.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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