you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
