My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
