I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My breasts were aching with rage.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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