I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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