Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
