We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
