Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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