the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
